you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize