found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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