i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
