Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
