I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
