I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
