he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
