Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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