if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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