Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did i walk over a car last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
