So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
