I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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