dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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