is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize