I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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