I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
