So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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