Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
