This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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