I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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