Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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