Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
