Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
