who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
