I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
