I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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