So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
