i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
