Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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