I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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