Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize