i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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