he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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