So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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