i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
