She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
