I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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