the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
