As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
