I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
