I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
