remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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