I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
