This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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