dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like, not good at living.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
