We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
