she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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