if i can run in heels then i can drive
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
