My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
