i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize