i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
as a side note pls kill me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
