Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
