Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
