ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
