I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cannot find my penis.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
