your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
