:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
