Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
