I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
