if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
