pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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