you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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