I'm going to jail i love you
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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