Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize