i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
