so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
