ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
