I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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