Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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