Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
