Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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