Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
