can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
