It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
