Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize