I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
