i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
