Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wear drunk well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize