The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
