Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
