We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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