Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize