I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
