i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
