I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
