Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize