Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
