I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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