my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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