it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
