and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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