dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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