Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
