just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
