Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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