we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
