weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
