It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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