You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
