I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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