I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
