My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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